Have you ever uttered the words, “My other half” or “My better half”? Have you really ever stopped to think about what you are really saying or are you simply repeating something you heard before? The implications are deep; does it really mean you come to the earth incomplete? Does it really mean that your self-worth and future depends on you finding someone or something outside of you to ‘complete’ you and make you whole?
My husband and I don’t share this view; our belief is that wecome having a path to learning and living as a whole person (hell, that is why you were born alone, even a twin comes a few minutes apart). This path is yours to walk, after all you are a unique individual, no duplicates. Granted in life, you may choose to share a life with a spouse, which means that you go from walking along a path individually to moving along a parallel path with another person (note parallel).
Think of that journey with a spouse, as a trip on a ship. This ship is commonly referred to as a relation-ship! You are relating to another being, but that person is on the journey/path WITH you, not to complete you. They travel the same path and you share some of the same experiences while aboard this ship. Don’t get us wrong, yes, they can enhance your life, help to support you, be a teacher, mentor and protege, etc., all on a path to help you grow into the full being you are becoming.
This is one of the biggest challenges for both Singles and those in relationships; they often put that burden of making them ‘happy’ on the potential date or spouse.
Don’t look for someone who can heal all your wounds and suddenly make the clouds or your past bad memories suddenly go away. There is absolutely no such thing as “Happily Ever After” – Disney lied!!! There is a good, supportive, evolving, sometimes bumpy, sometimes smooth way forward and yes, that person can help, but if you are looking for them to ‘fix it’, sorry Olivia Pope is not available and the Gladiators are busy, besides you can’t afford them! 🙂
Dating/Spoused/In a Relationship, it is unrealistic and completely unfair for you to put the burden of ‘making you happy’ on your partner – no living person can do that, they have their own bags to carry. Can they do that for a little while, absolutely, but for you to look for that person to do that for your whole life, they will get tired. Besides, think of it this way; how would you feel if they, the day after you agreed to become a couple, said: “Ok, now here is my life, fix it, take me away and make my life beautiful from this moment! Take away all my bills, cares and concerns and make me smile every moment going forward! You would run so fast you would win the Gold at the next Olympics!
SINGLE & SPOUSED:
YOU are the only person that can complete you! With the love of yourself, you are the only person that can decide to BE happy! Many people seek happiness outside themselves which will only lead to disappointment and frustration after temporary fits of joy.
- Make a commitment to do something for yourself each day that brings you joy!
- Create an affirmation of happiness and speak it out loud at least once a week (daily is better), start with “I AM, MY JOY!”
- Ask yourself, what are the things that bring you happiness and then focus on them. Don’t spend time focusing on what is wrong – think of it this way, if there is light in the room, the darkness can’t expand. Your you IS your light.
- Make that list and then plan on ways to bring them into existence.
- Ask your spouse/date to join you and find out what is on their list and share yours – work together on ways to support each other’s list. Remember, your list and joys don’t transfer, so be sure if you are supporting their list and not your likes for them 🙂
- CREATE JOY – it gets created; it does not fall from the sky, rise from the ocean or get transferred automatically from the end of a love story into your life – so go forth and CREATE!!